Downsizing

A couple of months ago I culled some Facebook friends. I didn't actually hurt them, you understand - I sort of socially disconnected from them, wiped them off my friends list. Don't look at me like that. I know it sounds mean, but it's not really. These weren't people with whom I have a meaningful bond. I asked myself Do I ever see this person in real life? Have I even looked at their profile in the last year? Do I have any interest whatsoever, beyond a cursory politeness, in what they're doing? Can they have any interest whatsoever in my dull life? Is there any likelihood of us needing to get in contact with each other in the future? Above all, Are they really a friend? Since nobody actually has 254 real, heartfelt friends, there were several Nos. So off they went.

The thing is, I don't remember who they were. And a few days ago, on Facebook's helpful 'People You May Know!' list, I spotted someone I do know. Let's call him Roger Stevens. The People You May Know list draws your attention to people you aren't friends with, but whom a lot of your pals are friends with. The idea is that you've probably met some of these people and maybe you want to be-Facebook-friend them.

But at one stage I most definitely was friends with Roger Stevens. Now I am not. Was he part of the cull? I can't say for sure - but it seems unlikely. It's true that I haven't seen Roger for two years, and we probably haven't had any contact in that period either. I wouldn't call him in a crisis, or if I was bored, or on his birthday. But he's good friends with some of my friends. It would have felt a bit mean to cut him off. So does that mean that he culled me?

Now here we get into a strange situation. I can't be cross with him if he did cull me; we're clearly thinking along the same lines. But I do feel a bit huffy about it. Was it such a drain on his time and energy to have my name popping up on his News Feed? Perhaps it's because I update my status too regularly. Perhaps the mere mention of me irritates him. I don't think he ever liked me that much. We were quite good friends for a few weeks, until he asked my flatmate out and she said no. Following that he sort of dropped out of touch and started avoiding the pair of us at parties. I suppose this is the logical extension of that. Anyway I may well have chucked him out of my Facebook party in The Big Cull, so again, I can't really mind.

This People You May Know bollocks is not doing me any favours anyway. Somewhere, somebody I used to vaguely know is frowning at their computer and saying "But I am friends with Hattie! Hang on a minute... why can't I access her profile any more?" And then they're secretly hating me for the rest of eternity. It's easy to cope with this in cyber space, but the real world is much more awkward.