Everything feels good this week. After the hard plod through winter, we're now doing the pleasant stroll towards summer. Or at least spring. I haven't needed to wear a scarf for at least ten days now. Milo will be one year old next week. Claire's getting married. My birthday's coming up (and no, I don't think that's depressing). The Apprentice is starting soon. I love this nail varnish colour. So much to be thankful for!
God, I'm pathologically cheerful this week. What the hell has happened to me? Must be some sort of chemical imbalance as a result of the virus.
Speaking of the virus, there's something sort of funny that I've been meaning to tell you. I may or may not have mentioned that I've been watching a lot of America's Next Top Model lately. An awful lot. One or two episodes a night, actually, and following various different series (or 'cycles') at once. Staying at my parents' and having access to the Living channel has obviously gone to my head. Anyway, my obsession reached a scary point last week when I was ill. This is a bit weird. Prepare yourself.
In the middle of my night of vomiting, when I presumably had a very high temperature, I hallucinated that Tyra, Miss J, Jay Manuel et al (the ANTM judges, in case you haven't seen it) were berating me for not giving my all to the sickness. "Try different poses," they told me, as I lay sweating and recovering from my third or fourth barf. "Give it more intensity and fierceness in the eyes. At this level of the competition we're looking for you to be more creative."
"I'm trying!" I kept telling them, wracked with anxiety and wondering how to make my vomiting more imaginative. I so desperately wanted to impress them, but they just kept shaking their heads and looking disappointed. "If you can't bring more to these pictures, you're risking being eliminated," they told me sadly.
It may be a good thing that I'm moving out of my parents' house and away from their TV this week.
P.S. Obviously that's not me in the picture - it's Joanie from America's Next Top Model Cycle 6. Thank you Joanie for portraying my anguish so beautifully.
6 readers just couldn't let me have the last word:
That is brilliant. I had food poisoning once, and dreamt/hallucinated three policemen I know were in the room, one at the foot of the bed, and one on either side. They were angrily interrogating me, and I would roll over to escape each one. Every movement caused me to vomit though.
It was a messy night.
Dear GOD woman...you really were ill...
That's hilarious and horrifying in equal measure...
Happy redundancy anniversary.
I didn't know what you meant by redundancy. I mean, I know what it means in terms of language, but never heard it used outside of that - might be a british thing. So, I decided to google it*** Here are some of the result topics:
1) employment no longer needed.
2) redundant colon
3) redundant mitral valve (this isn't a great thing to have btw)
4) redundant array of independent drives
5) Redundancy Payments Act of 2003
*** I have waaaaay too much spare time at work.
Oh - it means I got laid off.
My colon's fine.
Post a Comment