And don't get me started on kids

A faintly embarrassing truth about me: invite me to a wedding and I am guaranteed to weep sentimental tears of joy during the ceremony. I don't care if I've never met the couple before in my life, or if I'm secretly running a sweepstake on when they'll divorce (I've never done that, honest. I definitely didn't do it at your wedding). Something about a couple standing up there in front of everyone forces emotion from my wizened old heart. In a wedding situation involving me, there is always a 99% chance of precipitation.

On the other hand, attempt a conversation about the possibility of me getting married, and there's quite a strong chance of me vomiting or slapping you in the face. Sign a contract that requires me to commit to something for the rest of my life? Why in the name of jumping Jehovah would I want to do something like that? I don't even want to commit to myself for that long.

Having said that, I had a moment of 'getting it' on Saturday at a wedding reception. I'm going to try and explain what dawned on me.

I may have written this here before, but I often have a bit of a problem with going to bed. I find myself staying up late for no reason whatsoever, literally doing nothing except feeling faintly uneasy. I do it because to go to bed feels to me like saying "OK, I accept it. I have given up all hope on this day getting better. Nothing else of worth is going to happen today so I might as well just throw the towel in." And that's just depressing.

I tend to view marriage in the same way. "Fine. My years of being single and free and having an exciting and adventurous life are over. The happy years are behind me. I may as well just bloody get married and give up on life." The phrase 'to settle down' doesn't help. I think of getting married as an ending - hopefully a happy one but let's face it, you rarely know for certain (except, I say confidently, in the case of Claire and Hywel, who I envy hugely because they've each found the perfect person). I don't want an ending. I love my life as it is, and the thought of giving up now depresses the hell out of me.

(Of course you'll have realised by now that I'm mental, and you'll be wondering what the hell my parents put me through to result in this dysfunctional view of relationships. Well actually they've been happily married for 38 years, so unfortunately I can't lay the blame at their door. Which is irritating.)

What I realised in a moment of clarity, while my friend James was telling the wedding party that his new wife is "the sunshine of my world", is that getting married doesn't actually signal the end of your life.

(I'll just pause briefly in case any of you are like me and need to let this revelation sink in for a moment. I am also going to sit and stare agog out of the window.)

...

Apparently when you get married you continue your life, and your adventures, but you just commit to doing that alongside someone else - generally someone you're pretty fond of. It's not like being glued down, static, to Married Life. It's like holding hands with someone and travelling along together.

I'm still slightly struggling with my new perspective on marriage but I'm going to try and hold on to my mini-epiphany. To summarise: going to sleep is usually not the end of things; you generally wake up to a fresh new day. Marriage is a fresh new day too. At least I believe that to be the theory.